Tin and Hammers

There are people who give off a ton of red flags. We know to generally avoid them but they still get elected to high offices. Strange that. By the time we get to college we should know to do/not do certain things. “Keep your hands to yourself” is taught in kindergarten. “Always ask first.” “If someone says no, that’s all they need to say.” “If you know it’s not right to do it, don’t do it.” Basic things. Human things. A lot of men aren’t learning this. A lot of evil people treat ignoring such knowledge as their badge of honor.

What can be done to write better men?

People are tired of the loud, overbearing male archetype, the one who’s the very definition of the “Mary Sue”: knows everything, can handle anything, has sex on command, will never let another man touch him, and won’t cry unless it’s a howl after punching a tree. John Henry was the first male character I identified with as being a hero. Grade school. It struck me that what he did, the whole mountain thing, came from a vital inner life. He wasn’t trying to prove he was a “man”, he was part of the elemental world and knew his part in it. I liked that.

So much money gets pumped into men being hooked on absolute bullshit. The whole “manosphere” thing is less mature than boys snickering over seeing their first bra ad. But it makes certain people a ton of money, and no one can say advertising & marketing won’t kill us all. This isn’t hyperbole. A & M dngaf about what it throws out there, otherwise you wouldn’t see 99% of the ignorant shit you see on TV, the internet, what passes for news, etc.

As writers, we know it’s traditional for women to exist in fictional worlds as a man’s reward. I say traditional on purpose because toxic shit like that got lionized as part of the GREATS’ OOVWAHS in nearly every sci fi, fantasy, horror, detective, western, comedy, drama, movie/book/song put in front of the eager public. We can’t pretend this heinous practice isn’t still part of the contemporary mind. We won’t pretend that what goes in doesn’t affect behaviors coming out. But we can demand that people grow up. Snickering over bra ads is beneath a grown man.

I can’t watch FORBIDDEN PLANET anymore because of its casual “watch how you’re dressed around my men or they might rape you” (the gist) line from the captain to the sole woman in the movie. If I try to re-read Heinlein’s FRIDAY I get the side-eye jeebies. James Bond had designer clothes, cool cars, the danger factor, and a Walther PPK dick. Writers had Mr Spock smirking at Yeoman Rand about the “interesting qualities” of the doppleganger Kirk that tried to rape her. The fallback of “things are of their time” won’t do as a cover for the disease of rape culture. Because in any time, there are voices seeding every possible contrary. Dehumanization is first and foremost a choice. We don’t get to pretend no one in our past was enlightened enough to ask what the hell are we doing. Nor can we say our societal ills of the day aren’t damn well-funded, which means there’s gargantuan machinery behind keeping them going. It always comes down to money, doesn’t it, the most violent concept. Men wanting to be manly men make sure to grease all cogs with sickening sludge, and everybody must play to the advertisers, right? Don’t shift narratives too much or deals might fall through.

Which is not harmless. We live in cultures that produce walking, talking, attacking garbage.

As writers, our job is to step back and analyze, whether it’s a scene, a line of dialogue, or entire concept. “What are we saying?” Put that question forefront. Be honest. The default is to go along with bullshit AND THERE IS SO MUCH BULLSHIT. This is where beta, sensitivity, and other assists help. I’ve benefited from all of those. Sexist bullshit is pervasive as hell. All the -ists are. Fiction, especially speculative fiction, excels at interrogating established practices. It’s in the name: speculating. Spec fic can go to the future, see what’s there; go to the past, frame it properly since so much of what we know of it is absolute trash; create environments where it makes perfect sense to be compassionate, vulnerable, honest, safe (to self & others), and respectful of all women in all ways, instead of living in a world where a man is reasonably sure he’s making more money than women performing the same job. Because women are, y’know, less than men. Women are things.

Shit foundation.

Life is progressing faster and faster. The planet finds that it has to come up with new definitions and new ways of being with each other. Hell, the old ways were always and ever only enforced to benefit a narrow few. The world is not made up of a narrow few. Your charge: write us a better world. Nobody’s looking for paragons on either side of the creative wall. But we know beyond a doubt that “boys will be boys” means hold women and girls responsible for mens’ and boys’ behavior. We know that a whole generation loved every time Ralph Kramden comically threatened to punch his wife. We know “but liquor is quicker” is woven into so many entertainment threads that it’s damn near its own worldwide web. We know “frat boy” involves masturbating to Fight Club and Victoria’s Secret ads. We can write the world as more than a bunch of children with guilty minds who would be repulsed to think the words “free p*ssy”, let alone act on it.

Dehumanization is not an entitlement.

No one serious about an identity thinks of themselves as an “alpha male.” It’s inherently ridiculous. Entire subgenres and subtexts of entertainment are about faux rape. There are men so divorced from anything but the need to fit in that they view sex as conquest, women as convenient receptacles they’re entitled to, and violence as power.

Learn this fact: Violence is a weak, tepid, howlingly insecure excuse of even an attempt at power. A man, if you want a definition of a man, is not the one who rails about the suggestion that a woman would be safer meeting a bear in the woods than an unfamiliar man, he’s the one running *with* the woman away from the bear. He’s making sure she’s getting out, same as she’s making sure he’s getting out. Human connection. Caring about people is a beautiful fucking thing. A man has self-awareness beyond himself.

Is there a contradiction in having no empathy for assholes? No. If you’re a male asshole, good people would likely help you escape a bear too, but we’re thinking asshole all the way. And if you trip while running? Well, it’s not like we’re looking backwards the entire time.

But, Zig, can fiction change anything? YES. Friendo, yes. There are ENTIRE SOCIETAL “NORMS” BASED ENTIRELY ON FICTIONS, LIES, UNTRUTHS, AND MAXIMIZED BULLSHIT. Stories matter so much. We mimic what we think will keep us safe. We can write better characters, especially when it comes to what we think of as heroic or worthy of emulation. It’s not hard. Our literal job is using the imagination to create someone a reader might want to incorporate or think about well after reading’s done. Use that power for good. Easy steps: (1) avoid the temptation to create an “author stand-in.” No one wants Stephen King with muscles who saves kittens after killing a field of orcs but still gets to fuck. Create a character a reader might trust *with* a kitten. That’s a good start. See where it leads. (2) Feeling is key. Emotion. Compassion. Empathy. Vulnerability. Honesty. Emotional maturity creates manhood. (3) Tap your hand if you feel like you have to include a tired, sexist bit (I’ve had to tap my own hand; I’ve had my hand tapped by others) just because that’s the way those things usually track. Get your own attention. These 3 easy bits might open the doors to actually feeling creatively human. Writing “green flag” heroic characters flows from such due considerations. YOU’RE NOT “JUST” WRITING. Think outside the plot. If you’re coming up with nothing but bullet points, odds are good you’re creating a cypher, not a character, and a cypher tends to be one hair away from caricature/stereotype. Make the character consistent rather than whatever you need them to be to move events along. Consistent inner character = complex decisions = better storytelling. Better storytelling is not just what the world needs, it actively craves it.

Especially when it comes to women in our world.

Which is another thing writers can do, especially men: Read more women authors and do so widely. All women. Fiction teaches us not just about the possibilities of events but of character. Of who we are. Attitudes are malleable af. Things change when pressed against. We see change now; there’s a lot less of the hero being owed a woman; don’t see the obligatory kiss at the end of whatever harrowing bullshit; the woman declaring “I love you” in the middle as a heroic spur is not always there. The implied sexual conquest underpinning all of that has been deleted from loads of discourse. Maybe we can delete more of it from the wider public’s mind.

One way or another, what we say matters. It’s our job as writers to interrogate ourselves, our societies, our intentions, and especially our stories.

Pro-tip: Everything, my friends, is story. A world without spaces where any man feels safe “chatting” about sexual violence is a guaranteed better world. A world without people screaming against trans life is a better world. A world minus men who peacock words like warrior, lethal, maximum, or strength without knowing an iota of what the words mean is a better world. I am requesting we make that world, because in that world predators don’t become presidents, court justices, or CEOs of absolutely anything. One that doesn’t condone, encourage, or reward predation. One where what matters is never a dangle of meat where too many people’s brains rest, but the inner health of the head, the heart, and the soul. If you take a hammer to a mountain, eventually you get through, but it’s better if everybody brings one.